Shaking

I'm still shaking from a fight I had with my eight year old brother. He just wouldn't listen. Just wouldn't listen to me, and he was shouting at me to stop squeezing, and I was shouting at him to listen to me, and to choose, and he didn't listen. He wanted to frustrate me, break me. I think it might have worked. I'm still shaking. And when I say break me, I meant break me mentally, not physically. Physically, I could have killed him. And I think I almost did. I didn't, the thought had even crossed my mind but if he had made me any more upset, I could have, by accident. Oh. I could never forgive myself. Never ever forgive myself. Glad it's over. It has been for about five minutes. I finally got him to listen, with the help of my fourteen year old brother, he finally calmed down, and now he's trying to nap. That doesn't stop me from thinking that something bad could have happened to him. Something terrible, and I could have caused it. He made me cry today. I was crying, trying, sobbing really. I hurt myself trying so hard not to cry. At least it's over now. At least we're all okay. Mum and dad should be home soon, and I should have stopped shaking by then. Hopefully. I'm done shaking, done fighting. I just want to die I think.