Depression

I'm going to take the time now to talk about depression because I don't think I've really opened myself up enough here. Depression is trying to kill me. I believe that it honestly is out to get me and is following me around. Started this day feeling like I might have a good day but that all got flushed down the drain when I did something totally stupid, and now it's ruined my life. I shouldn't have said anything, I should have brushed it off, made up some excuse about a guy named Nate that does really exist but not in the way I was using the name, or just turned my phone off. Nope. I'm Hana. I do the stupid crap that everyone laughs at, disregards ect. Why am I such a stupid person?! I mean really?! Couldn't I have thought that through just a bit more?! No. Because I'm Hana and I don't bloody think about anything before I actually say (or in this case) text it. I'm going to probably end up crying tonight. AGAIN. And maybe I just hide my head under a rock for the rest of my life. Days like these make me want to disappear. I want to move so I don't have to deal with the bloody stupid consequences of my stupid stupid actions.
A Poem
Sometimes I think that I cause some pain,
or maybe problems.
And I know I'm right when I think this,
cause everything always turns out wrong.
Without fail.
So this is my life now,
something I'm not proud of.
Someone who goes through life
hurting everyone she loves.
I wish I could just stop,
and the world would be a better place.
Cause I know that all I do is harm,
when I just want to help, and do my best.
But wait, it's Hana,
and it's not her way.
She's so stupid and thoughtless,
so insecure and pointless,
she could never have a life like that.
~fin~